All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
