I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
