This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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