Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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