Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize