I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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