I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
