My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize