Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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