Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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