oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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