at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
