Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
