i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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