Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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