i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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