Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
