Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize