Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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