zippers are such a cool invention
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
