i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
