I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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