what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
