You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wrigley field is MILF paradise
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
