I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
