Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
