I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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