Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
