In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
