I wish my penis had an off switch
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
