I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
