I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
