He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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