so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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