U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
