No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
