ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
