So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
