Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
