a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
