I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone