a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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