i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.