none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody