I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
