Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
