My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
