So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
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Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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