Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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