Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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