is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They have beer where we have blood.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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