i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just had sex bonerless
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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