A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
