I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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