Screwed.edu
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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