WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
