remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
