I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
