she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
