What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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