Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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