All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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