Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
