Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
