How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
