No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
