you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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