Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
