Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
In America we eat man semen.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
