if you like me you must not know who I am
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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