last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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