So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
