Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
